apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize