shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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