I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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