I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
