So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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