I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
