She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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