Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
