I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
