i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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