Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
