i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
