apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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