the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
