Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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