I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Barsexuality is the new black.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
