guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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