Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
