When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
