Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
