i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My cat gives me a boner
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
