tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
