Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
