He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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