SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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