One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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