How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
