I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
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I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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