Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize