A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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