If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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