Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
