fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
