You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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