I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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