u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize