Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize