4 words: hood of his car
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
