U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
