I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
