I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
