i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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