I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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