oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
