So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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