i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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