I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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