you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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