I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
