He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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