id be glad to
she smelled like a LAN party
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
