She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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