ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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