Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
