your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
