I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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