yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.