Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.

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(651): By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/hsj3

Replies (14) Good night (791) Bad night (1777)
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(207): View more from Maine

things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.

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(207): things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety. http://tfl.nu/meos

Replies (9) Good night (3074) Bad night (614)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys

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(413): Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys http://tfl.nu/qwfv

Replies (47) Good night (937) Bad night (8575)
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(630): View more from Illinois

He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.

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(630): He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins. http://tfl.nu/5ao1

Replies (23) Good night (11696) Bad night (1023)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?

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(612): Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong? http://tfl.nu/gz8r

Replies (44) Good night (1565) Bad night (4792)
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(585): View more from New York

He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.

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(585): He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius. http://tfl.nu/hqjt

Replies (26) Good night (7962) Bad night (1239)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.

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(781): I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing. http://tfl.nu/7fgj

Replies (17) Good night (5870) Bad night (1309)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"

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(604): dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too" http://tfl.nu/x15y

Replies (5) Good night (4116) Bad night (980)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.

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(402): I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying. http://tfl.nu/o8p1

Replies (7) Good night (984) Bad night (2846)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is

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(401): If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is http://tfl.nu/twoy

Replies (19) Good night (4505) Bad night (877)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.

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(814): I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green. http://tfl.nu/s063

Replies (35) Good night (3076) Bad night (705)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao

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(201): For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao http://tfl.nu/eyan

Replies (7) Good night (806) Bad night (404)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus

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(774): I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus http://tfl.nu/kps3

Replies (3) Good night (499) Bad night (767)
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(815): View more from Illinois

After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.

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(815): After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin. http://tfl.nu/me1g

Replies (3) Good night (980) Bad night (480)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.

(1-314): View more from Missouri

And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.

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(314): Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy. (1-314): And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever. http://tfl.nu/uu81

Replies (3) Good night (277) Bad night (717)

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