Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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