yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?