He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.