I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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