Sry I called you an 8
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn