well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
