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• (631): View more from New York

  meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.

  (516): View more from New York

  wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!

  (631): View more from New York

  aww shit wrong text.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Lmao sorry

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Another day, another engagement, another cat

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• (228): View more from Mississippi

  I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me

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• (415): View more from California

  HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.

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• (352): View more from Florida

  How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?

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