I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
