Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
