I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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