Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
