I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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