i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
