Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
