If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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