I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
