ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
