"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
