Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
