I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How does it feel to date your dad?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
