I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
