Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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