i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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