Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
