I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
