quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
