States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
