i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
