While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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