someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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