is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
