My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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