waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
