The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
