I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Im part way to drunk.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
